This is my last essay I must write for my UCF application and it would be great if you could read and edit it. Please tell me if this is a good essay and whether I stayed on topic. I also feel that I became too repetitive in some parts and added miscellaneous information so if you see anywhere that I am would you tell me how to fix that? Thank you so much!
Essay Topic: How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?
Whether or not we will admit it our families have a major influence on who we are as a person. It is our families ' history, culture, and environment that mold and shape us into the person that we are today. Respect, the importance of education, my values in life, and my personality are just some of the principles that I have gained through the influence of my family .
The way education is viewed in my family is passed down from one generation to another. When both of my parents were younger, back when they were living in Vietnam, education was their main focal point in life. My grandparents stressed the importance of education and made sure that each and every one of their children received one. Now, just like my grandparents, my parents' stresses to my brother and me how important education is and tries to make sure we receive a good education. It is because of my parents that education comes first in my life and why I strive everyday in school to get good grades .
Being raised in a Vietnamese culture has a big influence on my personality, from the way I act to the things I do . It is very important in the Vietnamese culture to respect elders and it is expected that every child does so. I was taught this at a very young age and it has been embedded in me ever since. I have come to be respectful not only to my elders but to everyone around me as well.
Growing up my parents were constantly telling me stories about how easy I have it in life, with all the technology that is given to me and privileges that I have. I have always found their stories to be annoying and felt that all they were trying to do was pester me but all along they just wanted me to learn a lesson. Through my parents stories I have learned to appreciate everything that is given to me and to never take anything or anyone for granted.
As I get older I have realized that it is because of my family that I am the person that I am today. Without my family I would have never cared about my education as much as I do now, learn to respect the people around me, and appreciate all that is given to me.
I don't think you're redundant; I think you're just fully explaining your reasoning, and with good examples. If you'd like to make the examples a little bit stronger, you could include examples of how specifically you are respectful to others around you. That could add a little more depth to the piece.
I apologize, I accidentally clicked on the wrong link and removed your latest posting :( !
I am truly sorry!
Would you post the new part of it only here and I can look at it?
Again, I'm sorry!
Here is my revised essay. I combined paragraphs 3 & 4 and add information in paragraph 3. Please tell me what else i need to do to make this essay better. thank you!
Thank you :)
"For instance, if someone criticizes me on something that I know I am doing correctly , instead of arguing with them I will just smile, take their criticism, and move on. I also learned to be considerate of other peoples' opinions and to thank whomever has helped in any way ."
"...learned to respect the people around me,...
My Cultural Identity Essay: A Guide to Writing about Who You are
A cultural identity essay is a paper that you write exploring and explaining how your place of upbringing, ethnicity, religion, socio-economic status, and family dynamics among other factors created your identity as a person. Even facts such as what activities you took part in as a child can be part of your cultural identity. Your culture identity is ultimately the group of people that you feel that you identify with. The thought process behind this is known as cultural identity theory. To get a better idea of this, take a look at this single paragraph blurb of information that you might see in a culture identity essay. After reading, you can easily write my paper and feel comfortable getting grades as high as you can imagine.
I was born in rural Missouri, but my family moved to St. Louis before I was a year old. My mother is 100 percent Irish and comes from a family that identifies very strongly with Irish culture. My father is Middle Eastern, but was adopted by an English family who moved to the United States when he was 5. We lived in a pretty big house in a subdivision. My parents had two more kids after me, they were both boys as well. My father wasn't religious, but my mom was a practicing Catholic. She went to mass every week. My brothers and I both had first communion and were confirmed, but stopped going to church as teenagers. We weren't really encouraged to play sports because our parents thought we should focus on our studies. They really emphasized math and science. I did well in these classes, but I didn't enjoy them. In high school, I became active in music and theater. Most of my friends were also into that as well. I earned a scholarship to study engineering on the East Coast, but I dropped out as a sophomore. I returned home to study music, needless to say my parents were disappointed. My brothers both pursued careers in technical fields. One is a mechanical engineer and the other is a software engineer. I am close with my family, but we do not have much in common. My circle of friends is fairly varied when it comes to race, ethnicity, religion, and economic background, but it consists almost entirely of people who are artists, musicians, writers, or people involved in those industries.
Keep in mind that your essay may look nothing like this. In our example, the writers choice of career, talents, and interests influenced his cultural identity more than his religious, ethnic background, or family values did. This may not be the case for you. Remember that when you are writing your paper there are no wrong answers. You just have to ask yourself insightful questions and keep the theory of cultural identity in mind as you write. Here are some questions to ask yourself:
- How did the foods I ate as a child influence my identity
- Did I look different from the kids I went to school with? How did that impact me?
- Did birth order influence who I am as an adult?
- Does my life today match the life I was raised in?
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